Month: December 2014

Dogged

MissM2 Comments

2014 is finally coming to a close. This year, in my life, anyway, can be described best as the Bella Swan year. And by that, I mean, I spent most of it whining about how badly my life sucked and did virtually nothing to make it suck less. Actually, if anything, I probably made it worse for myself.

I think that the whole “New Year, New Me” theme that we have going on with the conclusion of a calendar year is sappy and a bit lame, but my own little rebirth just so happens to be going on at the same time everybody else is vowing to go on the photosynthesis diet, or spend less than they earn and put it in a savings account to be binge-spent later.

I have a resolution or two for myself that I will be implementing in the immediate future. No “one last donut, and then i’ll start my diet” mindset for me. I’m gonna get a little sappy up in here, and drop a bunch of cliche’s that cause me to face-palm myself hard in public, but without further ado, here are my resolutions.

1. Get Back On the Straight and Narrow

I’ve mentioned before that I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. However, ever since I graduated high school and was relieved of any sort of familial pressure to attend my church meetings, I have become rather inactive. My conflicting personal beliefs (i.e. feminism) mix with my church’s beliefs like oil and water, so needless to say, attending church leaves me with the bad taste in my mouth that is internal conflict. I’m not excusing my lack of church attendance, rather, I amd simply explaining my thought processes.

I resolve this day to begin regularly attending my church meetings, as my job permits, and even though it begins at 9:00 AM. If I ever find myself in a discussion in which I find offensive, oppressive, or simply disagree with, I will do one of three things:

  • 1. I will raise my hand and vocalize my opposing opinions, regardless of what others might think.
  • 2. I will reverently excuse myself from the meeting and scroll through Pinterest on my phone in the hallway until the next meeting begins, and maintain an open mind for the next meeting.

I am going to focus my thoughts and energies on the aspects of my religion that I do agree with, and strive to follow Christ, which means learning to accept and love those who are and think differently than I do.

2. Self-Tolerence

I have this cute little habit called Perfectionism, and it drains my happiness. It’s no secret that i’ve been seeing a therapist for the past few months to help remedy my slightly self-destructive behaviors, and let me just say, it has done wonders for my mental well-being. My expectations for myself are completely unattainable, and when I inevitably fail to reach said expectations, I am simply merciless. I resolve to accept my shortcomings, and even try embracing them. I am not superhuman, unfortunately. So I will settle for my humanly, flawed, best efforts.

3. No Comparision

One of my favorite quotes in the history of forever is “Comparison is the thief of joy.” I have no idea who said that, but he or she was one deep individual. I am guilty of comparing myself to others, and all that it does for me is make me unhappy with the life I have. I’m not resolving to stop comparing myself to others, as that would be breaking my previous resolution of demanding perfection from myself, but I’m sure as hell going to try my hardest to not let it ruin me.

4. Be Present

Lately, I’ve gotten a lot better at living in the “now” and enjoying life as it is. I’ve stopped wishing away my time, eager to tackle the next task on my pathetic, little agenda. I’m learning to fully immerse my attention into what I am currently doing, and that makes everything seem more enjoyable, even work! Yes, work. In order to continue this upward spiral, I am resolving to immerse myself in my relationships with other people. I’m a people-hater, the type that loves to be alone, selfishly locked away in my room, keeping people, and emotions for people, at bay. This will not be the case any longer! I’m gonna start being a person who people want to be around. So there.

5. Lose the Jiggle. 

Yeah, right! That’s like asking me to bow down to the patriarchy, to which I say, “Over my untoned, dead body!” I do want to get healthier, though, and will begin attending the gym as it fits in with my schedule and mood. I’m already a permanently psycho health-freak anyway, thanks to my good friend Anorexia.

6. Stay True To My Beliefs, and Stay Out of the Defensive Zone

I am very “stuck in my ways” when it comes to things i’m passionate about. Yes, especially feminism. I struggle to give suitors the benefit of the doubt in their courting efforts, and tend to assume the worst out of each one. Hmmm, makes me wonder why i’m single again. Anyway, I’m not changing my beliefs in human equality for anyone, no matter how many abs he has or what kind of car he drives. But I am going to stop looking for reasons to be pissed off by those trying to date me and give people a chance.

So there you have it, my six resolutions for self-improvement.

Have a safe and fun new years eve, people! Do something crazy, and kiss someone attractive.

Cheers!

M.

Assign

MissM6 Comments

You know how in cartoons, a giant lightbulb appears over one of the characters’ heads when he/she has an epiphany or suddenly solves the issue at hand? I swear to goodness that’s what happened to me on my last day of my Intro to Literature class. My giant lightbulb was caused by an epiphany. An epiphany as to the real reason why I declare myself a feminist.

On our last day of class, we were assigned to present a chapbook of poems that all relate under a central theme. Naturally, my theme was “Self-Representations of Women.” I actually thoroughly enjoyed this project, as I found multiple poems that I could completely relate to. Anyway, my epiphany hit in the middle of my presentation when I began slipping into the unscripted abyss that is a college kid’s Intro to Literature Chapbook Presentation.

At some point, I had said “The real problem at hand is that we assign virtually EVERYTHING a gender. It is either masculine, or feminine.” That didn’t really resonate with me until after i’d finished my presentation with the words “Smash the patriarchy!” with blushed cheeks and returned to my desk to find a hand-written note from a classmate that was seated nearby.

His note applauded me for presenting feminism in a way that had never occurred to him before, and he concurred that it is extremely problematic to assign everything from character traits to colors of the rainbow to a category of either masculine or feminine. I suggested hie look further into feminism, and we parted ways.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how this binary mindset our culture has ingrained in us limits us to who we think we are allowed to become. Unfortunately, femininity is considered the lesser of masculinity, giving most feminine things a negative connotation when compared to more masculine things.

For example, math and engineering, toy trucks, and football have all been deemed “masculine” and “boy activities,” and those who are not masculine are discouraged from engaging in “masculine” interests.

On the other hand, cooking, sewing, dancing, and hair-styling have all had the word “feminine” slapped to their foreheads to ward off masculine intruders.

This is problematic for dozens of reasons, and it affects all genders. Rather than allowing each individual to choose his/her interests, we steer them toward what we believe will be most fitting for them, based on their sex. This holds true not only for interests, but for emotions and personality traits, as well.

Women are supposed to be weak, submissive, gentle, soft, and nurturing. If we’re not, we’re considered masculine women, and what could be worse than that?

Men are supposed to be strong, athletic, assertive, and smart. If they’re not, they’re considered ‘femmy,’ which is even worse than being a masculine woman, because, after all, masculinity reigns supreme in the realms of the patriarchy.

I am a feminist because I don’t believe that everything a person can be needs to be assigned to a gender. Society is shaping who we are going to become, and we are playing right along with it. I am sick and tired of the “pink is for girls” and “blue is for boys.” Because I like blue, dammit. And superheroes. And math. And tacos.

Stop gendering everything, people.

M.

Godforsaken

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Helllllo fellow Internet users! This girl missed her connection home from Florida, granting her an abundance of time to update you on my latest adventures whilst kicking back in Delta ‘ s Sky Lounge for the next 6 and a half hours.

I haven’t blogged in quite some time, which is good in some perspectives. Typically, I blog when life is getting difficult, and I need somewhere to exploit my feelings. But I’ve been getting better. Even my therapist thinks so. Choosing to be happy is easy when you take school, work, and any other adulty obligations out of the equation of life.

I spent this past week cruising the carribean with my family on Disney’s Fantasy cruise ship. Happy Christmas to us! Cruising is fun especially when you have access to Dramamine and there’s employees just waiting behind a counter to pile your plate high with watermelon, pineapple, pizza, and mini chicken wraps. Also, there are soft-serve ice cream machines that are operational and poolside from 11 AM to 11 PM. Half a day of access to instant, lactose-y happiness.

Hunger does not exist on cruise ships, because after a day of busily lazing in the Carribean sun in a bikini, leisurely sipping down Lemonade Lite (gotta watch that figure) you are whisked away to a beautifully set table in an extravagant venue where your own personal wait staff seats you, places your napkin on your lap, and brings you a four-course meal and two desserts. The food stops flowing at 10:00, leaving just enough time to climb all the way to the top deck of the ship for one last ice cream cone.

This method of vacationing, my dear friends, is a post-anorexic’s nightmare. But rest assured, it didn’t stop me from scarfing down at least twice as many calories as my previously petite body requires for optimal function. Technically, I’m still on vacation, so my weight-gain anxiety probably won’t set in until about this time tomorrow when I’m angrily attempting to put on non-stretchy pants.

We had some glorious stops, though, on our voyage around the Carribean islands. We stopped first on a dual-owned island called St. Martin’s. (Half French, half Dutch) where we swam with Dolphins, or Darlings of the Ocean, as I affectionately refer to them. I made two young friends that day, Paris and Gaya, who were four and seven years old respectively. These two sea mammals allowed me to cling to their pectoral fins as they dragged me around their aquatic home. It was magical.

We also made a stop in Puerto Rico, where a team of gorgeous Puerto Rican men assisted us in ziplining through their exotic forest. I assured them I’d be back soon.

Our final stop before returning back to the motherland was at Disney’s own private island: Castaway Cay. This was my least favorite of the stops, as their island was not nearly as beautiful as either of our previous stops. I did, however, engage in some pretty unique activities. We kicked off the day by taking a lap around the cay on beach cruisers. Then, we were granted the opportunity to hand-feed a bunch of sting rays who had had their stingers forcefully removed. (Shall we simply call them rays now that their stingers are missing?) The day concluded with a parasailing adventure. I did not previously know what parasailing entailed until I was strapped to the parachute and gracefully gliding above the boat that had taken me out to the middle of the sea. Naturally, I sang the entire ballad of A Whole New World from Disney’s Aladdin whilst airborne.

All in all, it was a killer time, and also made me extremely grateful for my room back home where I have a bed to myself and can dress without constantly covering myself with a towel for fear of an unwelcome gaze of a roommate. Also, it’s time for this girl to hit the gym. Hard.

On a lighter note, Christmas is around the corner and I have not even begun my holiday shopping. If any of y’all have any sort of expertise in this area, please hit me up.

Party on, Wayne.

M.