MEN: This may come as a surprise, but I just thought i’d casually bring to your attention that NOT EVERY ASPECT OF MY LIFE IS INTENDED TO PLEASE YOU.
Ready for my real-life example?
The other day, I was discussing my career plans with a man friend. I told him I was considering a career in English teaching or journalism, to which he bluntly responded, “That’s hot.”
Umm, okay?
What’s hot about my aspiration to become an English professor? Or a newspaper journalist? Is that some kind of joke? Or do people really have fetishes for those with a fondness for language arts?
This sort of makes me feel as though my man friend wasn’t taking my career plan seriously.
If this conversation had been an intelligent, two-sided conversation in which both participants were genuinely interested in what one participant was expressing, it would have gone a little more like this:
Me: “I’m thinking I want to be an English professor.”
Man friend: “Oh, really? What made you decide that career path?”
Me: “Well, I love to write and learn about literature, and I think it’d be a fun, challenging career to teach students how to write.”
Man friend: “Well that sounds like a great choice for you, then!”
And then it could continue in the same manner.
But, this was indeed not a two-sided conversation in which both participants were genuinely interested in what one participant was expressing. It was a boy belittling a woman’s intelligence and ambition.
I wasn’t trying to be hot. I was trying to answer his inquiry of what I would like to become when I grow up. Did it ever occur to him that maybe it isn’t my constant goal to impress him and gain his approval when we talk? That maybe I was trying to have a person-to-person conversation and express what my aspirations were?
It all comes back to shallow, physical attraction, doesn’t it?
Because Heaven forbid some guy would actually want to know what my passions and interests were, just for the sake of getting to know me better.
Another lad and I were having a similar discussion earlier today. In an effort to flatter me, he asked if i’d ever considered modeling as a career. I told him that I hadn’t because I do not advocate the fashion industry and media’s glorification of physical beauty and skinny-ness.
His response? “Well, maybe you could try acting then?”
Arg. Another point completely missed.
He thinks I have the looks to be displayed and manipulated in the media as an icon of what “ideal beauty” is. Which, frankly, I don’t take as a compliment at all. He hadn’t even considered the possibility that maybe I had no interest in a career in the media.
This is just a prime example of the objectification of women. The belief that my physical beauty should be used as a commodity to promote and sell physical items, as well as a skewed and artificial icon of what a beautiful woman is.
There is way more to a woman than her physical appearance. I have far more to offer than my looks, thank you. And I intend to pursue a career that suits my interests and puts my intellectuality to good use.
M.
Down With The Norm 
Ugh, as if hotness is the highest and Only True Compliment that a woman wants to hear. Definitely go travelling and meet some better men!
Side note: as someone who recently finished a PhD in Literature, no one tells you at the start that there are NO jobs when you finish. If being an English professor is all you want to do (an ambition I’m trying to let go of, before it ruins my happiness) then go for it, but be prepared to do years of work for less than a living wage, and move wherever the jobs are (regardless of where you may want to live). Depressing, sorry, but I wish someone has mentioned those things to me a few years ago!
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Well, I think men … or specy ifically “boys ” before they get mature enough, they don’t find ” Planning ” an interest, most of them. So, by describing a career plan as ” hot” he was either flirting or trying to avoid a conversation that maybe he’s not interested in. anyways, It’s frustrating to see men & boys only interested, attracted & fascinated by physical-related activities, jobs .. ect!
you said some really wise words& I completely agree with you :” I have far more to offer than my looks, thank you. ” 100% true 😀
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Sadly if you are in college, like myself, the amount of guys that can think beyond a “what’s hot” mindset are very minimal. While I enjoy being admired for certain aspects of me being “hot” having a good conversation with any of these guys is as likely as finding a unicorn in my back yard. I have about a year left and am crossing my fingers that when I move and have a job I will meet this rare percentage I have dreamed of haha.
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Been there and I hear ya and have my own stories. But playing devil’s advocate here’s some things to think about:
Just think for a millisecond how you might feel if everyone ignored your attractiveness. Can you be this fed up because you are ‘lucky’ enough to be considered by many as attractive? What if your nose was missing or some other defect, do you think perhaps you’d crave this acknowledgement…or not?
Secondly, perhaps change the quality of men you hang with?
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Thank you so much for your comment. I am sick and tired of certain guys thinking they have the right to rate my interests on an ‘attractiveness’ scale. My interests are not there to gain approval from the male gender. I was under the wrong impression that he was genuinely interested in my career plans. Glad there’s still people out there with their heads on straight.(:
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Men’s age, backgrounds and experience usually form thier social skills. You need new man friends. A woman who makes plans beyond shopping and other material things (like career planning) or basically shows confidence…that is sexy. “Hot” is suppose to describe a talent, a look….not a career choice.
Funny how people in general use deflating terminology in the wrong situations.
“How was that kiss?”
“It was fine….”
My best friend is thinking about the same career choice or something drastic to do with her life. I don’t remember the word “Hot” being used during that exchange.
🙂
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