I am the worst at dating. The literal worst.

I decided to take a little risk and attend an NBA game with some dudebro who sought me out via good old FaceBook. The whole “stranger danger” concept never really stuck with me, and I am of the naive youth who really believe that people are who they say they are on the internet. It will be my downfall one of these days, mark my words.

-Back to my anecdote-

Aforementioned dudebro was no psychopathic serial killer, though. Just a dude. Sorry to disappoint. I feel like this post would be a zillion times more exciting had he turned out to be a murderer or something. Anyway, he messaged me to tell me that he had two free tickets to the Jazz game the following day, and was wondering if i’d like to accompany him.

In my defense, the only thing I hear when asked out on a date is “free food, free stuff, come with!”

For the sake of personal gain, I obliged him and agreed to allow him to take me to the basketball game. What could go wrong, right?

Now, there are a few rules when it comes to dating dudebros on the internet. One of the most crucial rules is asking the right questions before agreeing to meet up with anyone. Of these critical questions, the most crucial is that of age. You see, I had failed to ask this vital question, and the consequence was tragic.

The guy was 26. There is a 7-year age gap between me and him. Now, that may not sound like much, but it’s hella intimidating to me. When I think ’26-year-old single male,’ I think ‘adult.’ ‘Big boy.’ ‘Not suitable dating material for a lady of my youthful age.’ To my dismay, I had not discovered this minor detail until we were rolling to the arena in his $600 Buick.

The night only grew worse as we drove to his brother’s house. Plot twist: Dudebro invited his 28-year-old brother, his brother’s wife, and their child, to come with us. Oh, and on the way there, he ran 4 red lights. Where were the damn cops?!

Call me crazy, but I find it exceedingly strange to go on a first date with some guy and his married brother’s family. Is that not weird? Tell me if i’m wrong, because I’m pretty weirded out by it.

Also, this 26-year-old dudebro had some interesting comments on my outfit choice as well as my outer appearance. He said, (and I quote) “I’m a picky guy when it comes to what girls wear. Picky, picky.” As you can imagine, my feminist-y mindset loved hearing those words spew from his picky mouth.

No need to worry, though, because he later told me that I passed the test and that my outfit choice was to his liking. Abstaining from violence was nearly impossible at this point in the evening.

It was a disastrous night, and I demanded to be taken home at 10:30.

Reveal yourselves, normal boys, I beg of you.


20 thoughts on “Sapience

  1. i would see mistakes on both sides. 1, don’t date people you met online. 2, NEVER think, “free food, free stuff, come with” if you ever want to seriously date someone. any guy that hears that will not even be interested; only say yes if you are interested. 3, don’t date people you met online. 4, don’t use personalized, terminology. or personalized, punctuation. delete the comma please. 5, don’t date people you met online.


  2. I’m still in that naive phase of life where subconsciously I believe that I am invincible and bad things only happen to people on the news haha but you are absolutely right, I should be more cautious. I love my cyber-parents on my blog who give me advice(: I swear I listen to you guys more than my own folks haha


  3. Online dating is a minefield, for sure! Though I know lots of people who found their husband this way! One tip: please never ever ever ever again allow a guy to pick you up on your first meeting! Meet him there. He shouldn’t know where you live so soon. And being alone in his car? Could be dangerous! And yes, this is an older, wiser woman telling you so I know it’s lame, but trust me, you’ll thank me down the road! (Love your voice, btw. Dudebros is a great term.)


  4. You are obviously not the worst at dating. Because this guy you just met takes the cake for that! Taking along your brother and family on a first date…who does that? Oh and age doesn’t matter. They never grow up. Lol. I once dated a guy 10 years older and it didn’t make an iota of difference.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Well. You passed the test – but he did not! How nice of him to tell you that you made the grade – why you didn’t swoon with joy and feel your heart swell with pride is beyond me.

    The male brain is finally finishing developing around the age of 26. Even if he’s still percolating a little, his behavior is not promising. Also, it’s tough to find guys in your own age bracket worth dating – but someone that much older than you is skewing towards younger girls because women his own age can identify his shortcomings immediately.


    Sorry it was a disaster!


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